Moderate weather;
Not really warm, but comfortable enough;
Soft breezes bring gentle fragrance.
Refreshing times;
seasons of retreat for deep reflection;
It feels good to breathe for a while.
Gentle musing;
Not all that dramatic, but interesting;
Peace wears like a cozy sweater.
A quiet heart;
Strength and steadfastness are words in her song;
She knows how to live with herself.
I have been revisiting a painful reality in my life: When I try to participate in most groups, I am excluded. This is not rejection: People aren’t actively telling me to go away or refusing to speak to me…most of the time. It’s more that they don’t include me.
Let me give you some examples:
*A friend of mine recently commented that there are people who silently walk away when I come their direction.
*I often locate people by their voices, which means that they are in conversations. I walk to the edge of the group and wait to be invited in. Most of the time, they finish visiting and walk away without acknowledging me.
*More than one person in my life will greet me with something like, “Hi, Sweetheart,” then have nothing more to say. They don’t respond if I try to start a conversation; they don’t think of me when there are things I could do.
*It is not at all uncommon for people to talk about me while I am present, as though I can’t hear or understand.
*Sometimes, I can’t join in, simply because an activity is not accessible – the words to music are projected on a screen; people are using gestures, along with words like, “This, that, it, here and there.”
And so go the examples.
Why is this important? I am in no way alone. Anybody who has an observable disability faces this sort of challenge. I can’t say that I have the key to this phenomenon. Perhaps people feel uncomfortable because they don’t know what to say or do; maybe they assume things about the person. They might fear the possibility that they themselves will be numbered among disabled people someday.
What I have learned is that I am responsible for myself; not those who are acting in such a poor manner. It is not my job to fix, educate or accomodate the public. I will try to direct and inform, simply because I stand to gain a friend when someone does catch on.
If you are facing this same challenge, take good care of yourself: Stay close to people who understand. Arrange time out to regroup and “lick your wounds.” Make a daily practice of doing things that remind you how whole and precious you truly are.
How can you help? Be the one who learns. Start by remembering that someone who can’t see, walk, hear, process information or speak is first and foremost, a real human being with all sorts of faculties, feelings and gifts. Ask. Take direction from that person. Be okay with not knowing. Honor, respect and courtesy go a long way with anybody. When you are with someone who tends to be at the receiving end of all of this, refrain from speaking for him/her. Don’t try to rescue; yet don’t join in. I often tell people just to look at me when someone asks about me in my presence: I’ll take care of it.
Lay down the notion of “normal.” It is a myth in the first place. it is only good as a research tool; it doesn’t fit anyone all that well: Each of us is unique. To quote a song by Seth Guires, “I’m just like everyone; I’m not like anyone.”
Sometimes, I find
I just need to rest;
Get away from the struggles;
Stop facing the test
Of life and relationships,
Of getting ahead;
To think for a while;
Just live instead.
There is such peace
In drawing aside
To relish a quiet place;
Perhaps just to hide
From demands and challenges,
From conflict and strife;
To hear my own voice;
To embrace life.
Plenty will take;
But others will give
It can feel overwhelming,
Just trying to live
As one whole and capable,
Prosperous and free;
Time outs are needed
Just to be me.
Perhaps one of the most important lessons I have had in my life is that I need to guard my heart. Once in a while, I seem to need a refresher course on this one!
You’ve heard the saying, “You are what you eat.” Well, that is true soulfully as much as it is physically. The choices are just as varied…and as difficult to make sometimes…as physical food.
So, from our souls’ points of view, what is a heart-healthy diet?
*One that is clean: Free from toxins like negativity, criticism, ridicule, bullying or other forms of degradation.
*Things that detoxify us, such as meditation, music, art, sleep, laughter and play.
*Nutrient-dense foods, like love, affection, friendship, wise counsel and encouragement.
*Soul-building items – Accomplishment, creativity, discipline, volunteering and giving to others.
*Good basic chow – Self talk that reminds us of who we are and what we’re about. I recently heard a wonderful definition of meditation: ” Thinking that makes us healthy.”
Foods to avoid:
*Anything that contributes to “heart disease” by tearing us or others down: Gossip, name calling, manipulation, exclusion, abuse.
(Some sources of such destructive items in this category might not be as obvious – A good deal of “news,” movies, books, TV shows and just careless talk. One of the more troubling sources can be people who love us: Family, spouses, friends, neighbors, Church members, co-workers..)
*”Junk food”: People, media and anything else that steals our energy, making us complacent, lethargic or lazy; things that “uninspire” us; things that waste time and energy.
How important is your soul’s diet?
Proverbs 4:23 puts it this way:
“Above everything else guard your heart, because from it flow the springs of life.”
For warmth and comfort,
Kindle a fire
That burns brightly within your soul;
For nourishment,
Add encouraging words
To remind you that you’re whole.
To build up your heart,
Find merriment
The medicine that does much good;
To give more strength,
Add overflowing hope,
Beyond what is understood.
For fresh perspective,
Find a new view
That let’s you see the whole picture;
If you do all
In good measure and stir,
You will have quite the mixture.
Add plenty of love
So that you have
All that is needed for living;
Just one more thing
Makes this recipe work:
Prompt and thorough forgiving.
Serve up generous portions; live well.
The wind howls outside,
Rattling windows;
Whistling through cracks in the wall;
Driving snow and rain like cattle.
The temperature drops,
Frosting the air;
Turning the world hard as stone;
Daring people to go outside.
I tuck myself in,
Warm and happy;
Sheltered from outer cruelty;
I stay warm and well in my soul.
The title of this post might remind you of the song in “The Sound of Music.”
Knowing our favorites is important. That is how we make choices to pamper ourselves from time to time.
So, what are your favorite things during the holiday season?
Do you like to stroll through the malls and window shop?
Perhaps you’re more the outdoor type, who would enjoy a walk through a snowy forest or a park.
Then there are all of the decorations to look at.
Do you enjoy holiday concerts, either live or on TV?
For me, the holidays are most fun when I celebrate with people I love and who love me.
I especially like the Christmas story.
Since I am a musician, concerts are a large part of my holiday season – I’m usually performing; but I like to sit and listen as well.
Another thing I like to do is to gather some friends, go to a restaurant and gab around mugs of coffee or hot chocolate.
This year, when you “make your list and check it twice,” include some favorite things that pamper you, okay?
A Journey to Wholeness 