Archive | August 2015

MIRROR MIRROR

Mirror mirror on the wall,
Who’s the freakiest of all?
Is it the survivor of childhood abuse
Or the one who medicates with illegal drug use?
Is it the person who has never seen
Violence or betrayal as a daily routine?
Or is it none of us at all,
Since each is precious, mirror on the wall.

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OPPORTUNITIES

Recently, I have had at least three conversations with people that have to do with the choices we make as we progress through life.
“Well, she had a rough childhood….”
or “my mom wasn’t able to show compassion…”

Each time, the implication is that this past wound is responsible for current thinking and actions.
This has inspired me to consider the points of decision that seeme to come our way:

Will I hold to a past wound?
Will I forgive?
Will I cling to old understandings or embrace new truth?
Will I return an offense with something hurtful; will I lead the way of healing by responding graciously?
Will I close my heart in fear?
What might happen if I am open and vulnerable?
The old road of fear, self protection and familiar wounds is always tempting:  I know what to do with all of that.
The new way, however, is where life is.  Every time I forgive, act with grace or take a risk, I heal more and find greater joy.
On several occasions, I have been delightfully surprised by the change in relationships when I choose the way of healing and life.  People who have spoken or acted unkindly, expecting me to do the same, are challenged to interpret and act differently when I don’t react in kind.  I have learned that there is great power in this.
Perhaps the greatest impact has been on the relationship I have with myself.  I have learned that I am powerful; that I am okay, regardless of what others are saying or doing around me.  That means, I am free to choose well.
Points of decision are opportunities; I have grown to greet them with expectancy and grattitude.
 

WHISTLING IN THE DARK WHEN YOU WALK IN THE LIGHT

It’s hard to whistle in the dark
When you walk in the light;
To hold onto fears
When it’s sunny and bright.
Oh, needs and distresses
Will turn up, it’s true;
But that’s just part of healing;
Of building the authentic you.
You can try to find distractions
So that you might delay
The work of healing
That brings a better way.
You’ll feel so much better
When you heed the call
To conquer those old monsters;
To stand triumphantly and tall.
You’ll have the greatest victory
After the toughest fight;
The sweetest reward
Is knowing truth so right.
The process of walking
Helps us learn to stand;
Knowing true identity
Leads to establishing life’s plan.

all you want

I was reading posts on
http://yoursuccessinspirer.com/
and found this quote:
“You can have anything you want if you are willing to give up the belief that you cant have it.”
Robert Anthony
The challenge is to write something, so here is my contribution.  Since I seem to be in a poetic mood today…

 

Reach for the sky;
Look to tomorrow;
Don’t be weighed down
By self doubt and sorrow.

 

Look for new dreams;
Search for desire,
Until you burn
With Inspiration’s fire.

 

All that you want
Is well within reach;
As long as “can’t”
Stays out of thought and speech.

 

The sky and more
Are waiting for you
To think and dream,
Lay hold of all that’s true.

TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF; KNOW WHO YOU ARE About Bullying Part 2

Wouldn’t it be nice if bullying didn’t exist at all?
Wouldn’t it be nice if it didn’t occur at school, home or in the work place?

 

In my mind, bullying is abuse, even though some of the articles I have read say otherwise.  Any time power is being usurped and used to tyrannize another, abuse is taking place.
Any time one feels unsafe because somebody (or a group of people) is giving them cause to think that their work, health or life is in danger, abuse is taking place.
Any time a person is led to believe that he or she has responsibility for things outside his or her power, abuse is taking place.

 

My first suggestion for how to deal is, get away if at all possible.  Mistreatment such as this causes injury to your soul.

 

I am thinking of a job I had.  The first year seemed fine; then, my supervisor began to find things “wrong.”  Not in writing was that he was uncomfortable with my blindness.  I actually did leave that position, three months after this abuse began.  It took me another several months to recover.  One of the greatest temptations was to blame myself, even though all evidence pointed to discrimination, manipulation and bullying on the part of my supervisor.

 

I have a hard time imagining a situation that would prevent someone from leaving, but if that is the case, you will need to take deliberate measures to see to your care and safety.  Make sure you have people in your life who remind you of your dignity, strength and qualities.  Build alternatives so that you can eventually leave.  If work and income are at stake, do what you have to so that you won’t fall flat if your job ends.

 

Most of all, take charge of yourself.  I used to have a therapist who would counsel me not to give my power away to others.  IT took a long time for me to catch on to what he was saying.  One primary way we do this is to believe what others say to or about us.  IT is amazing how wrong they can be!  How you regard yourself is far more important than anybody else’s opinion.  After all, you are the one who lives inside your skin; you get the consequences or rewards for your choices; nobody else does.

 

There are still people who try to bully me, either with words or exclusion.  I am finding that my best defense is a clear, strong identity.  I know who I am; I am learning not to let the bullies get me down.

DON’T LET THE BULLIES GET YOU DOWN! About Bullying Part 1

His name was Pat.
He would have graduated in June a few years ago, but he ended his life in April, at the end of a school day.  It had finally become too much for him.
Pat had been bullied for as long as he could remember:  Teased, excluded and punched more than once.  He had stopped eating lunch around other students by the time he was in sixth grade; he had grown tired of picking out the debris that had been thrown into his food.  Things such as spit wads and unwanted food from others’ lunches…
He was a gentle soul:  Quiet, kind and respectful.  To cope, Pat became an excellent student.  The library, extra homework and books became his best companions.
He tried to talk about the bullying a couple of times.  The first person, his mother, told him that bullying is just part of growing up.  “The other kids will eventually outgrow it,” she said.  Then she offered cookies to the already overweight boy.
“Try standing up to them,” said the next person.  “Tell them to stop; punch back; make a joke out of it!”
Faculty and school staff seem oblivious to what was happening.  One time, he had run past two teachers, trying to get away from three boys who were threatening to beat him up.  They shouted at him as he ran.  The teachers turned their heads briefly; then went on with their conversation.
In the end, Pat felt completely alone.  He had grown weary of soul.  He felt bad about himself and life in general.  He could not see a future, even though the opportunity for a new start was just six weeks away.
This story is based on more than one person’s experience, including my own.  There really was a youth who took his life at the end of the school day because he had been bullied.  I know someone who ran past teachers as she was being chased, in fear for her well-being.  I learned to avoid other students at lunch and to hang out with books so that I was not available for all of the harassment in the hallways.  Each of us knows someone who is excluded, teased or worse.  You might be one of these precious people yourself.
To those of you who have endured this misery, I’m sorry.  Know that it isn’t wrong with you; that you are lovable and precious.  I will have more to say to you, but start by receiving comfort from my words and the knowledge that you are not alone.

 

To those of you who know such people, take time to get acquainted.  One of the hard things about being bullied is that other students usually avoid the person:  They are afraid of being targetted as well.  If you see someone being hurt, go tell an adult or use your cell phone to call the police.  My younger sister saved a neighbor girl once by wading into the creek where other children were pushing her under the water and holding her there.  She took her by the hand and pulled her out; then walked home with her.  That might not be the safest thing for you to do, but getting help is crucial.

 

To adults:  Bullying is not part of growing up.  The response I got was, “You just have to understand that they don’t know better.”  Not good enough.  There are plenty of resources out now for helping children who bully; help the victims as well.  Empower and encourage them; defend them when they are being bullied; supply consequences and help as needed.  IF you have to, call the police, instead of letting someone be beaten by peers.

 

Now for my greatest challenge to everyone:  Let’s set a new precedent!  When I was growing up and going through all this struggle, nobody took a gun to school to kill others; people didn’t suicide.  I think the biggest reason was that there was no precedent for it.  Some people I know still bear the scars of bullying; others of us have recovered.  Don’t let the bullies get you down!  There will be at least one person in your life who will listen and understand, probably because they were bullied, too.  Seek them out; find ways to hold to the truth about who you really are; take appropriate actions to defend yourself.  Let’s take the power away from the bulllies.