Mirror mirror on the wall,
Who’s the freakiest of all?
Is it the survivor of childhood abuse
Or the one who medicates with illegal drug use?
Is it the person who has never seen
Violence or betrayal as a daily routine?
Or is it none of us at all,
Since each is precious, mirror on the wall.
In the past few months, my personal journey has led me to places where I find that I don’t know myself well at all, or I am not sure how to proceed.
This is a part of healing that some people avoid: It requires hiking over rocky ground that is often unpredictable, frightening and painful.
When I worked as a therapist, I sometimes met people who would do anything they possibly could to stay away from such terrain, even if it meant continuing in unhealthy ways and habits. I sat with more than one spouse who was headed for divorce because he or she had become healthier while the other spouse insisted on staying in “safe territory.”
The cost of wellness can be high indeed: Friends and loved ones who are not on that path will eventually leave…or you will be the one to decide that a continued relationship is not good, so you will tell them good-bye.
Sometimes, it’s a part of your own self that gets laid down, old and familiar as it is.
I have come to points of decision all along the way that require me to count the cost, weigh the risks and make a decision. When it comes to wholeness, the treasure is always worth the price. Okay, there have been times when I wondered about that, but if I will hang in there long enough, I find that the gains are far more valuable than anything I gave up.
Such interesting paradoxes are found in the journey:
By dying, I live.
When I lay something down, I get something greater.
In facing darkness, I find light.
In losing myself, I find myself.