I was in my late 20’s when repressed memories of abuse started coming up. I was also anorexic at the time.
One day, while I was at my weekly “heart surgery” appointment, my therapist asked me a question that I have never forgotten:
We were talking about the things that had happened to me in childhood and the messages my parents had given me. She asked, “So how long would you like to do the same thing to yourself that your parents did to you?”
Okay! That’s a zinger; I think now would be a good time to stop.
As children, we have little or no power and choice. Oh, we might choose which toy we want or reject a particular food item, but when it comes to the overall quality of our lives, we are dependent on the adults who are in charge of us.
Once we are old enough to leave home, however, all of that changes. We do have power and choice; we can decide what to believe, how to act and what sort of lives we will have.
Admittedly, it took me a bunch of years to get free from the beliefs about myself that I picked up as a child. The good news is, the journey that started in my therapist’s office only got better as I laid down old lies to embrace new truths.
So, are there things your parents did to you that you would like to stop doing to yourself? Are there beliefs that you have picked up, which need to be laid down so that you can find truth instead? Today is a good day to start on that journey.
I was reading posts on http://yoursuccessinspirer.com/
and found this quote:
“You can have anything you want if you are willing to give up the belief that you cant have it.”
The challenge is to write something, so here is my contribution. Since I seem to be in a poetic mood today…
Reach for the sky;
Look to tomorrow;
Don’t be weighed down
By self doubt and sorrow.
Look for new dreams;
Search for desire,
Until you burn
With Inspiration’s fire.
All that you want
Is well within reach;
As long as “can’t”
Stays out of thought and speech.
The sky and more
Are waiting for you
To think and dream,
Lay hold of all that’s true.
Happiness speaks in the most quiet voice;
She barely whispers;
She never intrudes;
She always leaves us free
To make our own choice.
Happiness speaks from her home deep within,
Where she was conceived;
Where she still abides;
Where she joins with wisdom
To see that we win.
Happiness speaks in a voice all her own;
Accepting no bribes;
Not yielding to fear;
Expressing deep knowledge;
In such loving tone.
Happiness speaks as a most trusted friend,
She calls us higher;
She says to live well;
She leads as we follow;
Then whispers again.
…I go through a struggle:
Who am i? What do I want to do and be? What really matters; what could I let go of?
I am in that spot again, where I could go in any of several directions. I do have some ideas of passions and interests; yet confusion has a way of moving in and leaving me in this quandary.
As an adult survivor with what is now called Complex Post-traumatic Stress Disorder, I find it difficult to hear my own inner voice.
I have learned a few things through the years that help with this:
*Ask people who know me, especially about their observations and things they think I do best.
*Keep a journal – something in writing is a good reminder.
*Give myself plenty of time to think and feel, since it takes a bit to understand.
*Try some things out; if I don’t like them, I don’t have to continue.
*Read and take some of the free online quizzes to give me things to react to.
*Most of all, appreciate what I sense and feel: As I do so, my ability to hear my soul increases.
I think it is important to write about this, because I am by no means alone! Being able to check in, hear, understand and trust are so important; yet millions of us just can’t seem to get there. Take courage; hang in there and keep trying. This is a long-term journey of learning, growing and becoming stronger. Celebrate each success; then venture forth again.