I live with an inner confusion
That makes me hard to read.
Sometimes, it’s a painful undercurrent;
At other times, it speaks very loudly;
Then again, it is often ambivalent and unclear.
I do know where this confusion comes from:
From traumas in my past.
A useful anesthetic at the time,
It has become a hinderance to me now,
Causing mistrust, clouding my thoughts, bringing indecision.
As I heal and get to know myself,
I’m inwardly more clear.
Though my feelings come a bit slowly yet,
And I need time to understand my thoughts,
They are ever being birthed, developing and maturing.
I have learned that I must be patient;
That this is a journey.
Because of their nature, souls heal slowly.
To rush their healing is to injure some more.
Gentle tenderness, rest, careful loving must be used.
I’m pleased with the strength and clarity
That grows within each day.
As a sculpture becomes more tangible;
As poetry takes on meanigful form,
My heart and mind come together in greater unity.